I think. We never expect this sudden decision. And I'm getting tired of thinking. On what we are looking for. There is always something bearing in my mind. About being a wife (a 'solehah' wife-that's the dream every time, insya Allah).
And as what we have planned earlier (this is so sudden)- This morning, when I woke up from my sleeping session, I realized what a complicated decision I'm going to make- that's bout changing myself-so sudden-drastically.
When I saw photos inside frames beside the bed-photos of my mama and ayah, beloved adik2-ati, ika, danny-tears came out from my eyes. I'm going to be a wife soon. And what a confusion- leaving my adik2, with their gelak tanpa berhenti, main geletek2, usik2, gaduh2 manja-to be a good wife for my husband. What a miserable feeling I had that time.
Around this time, for me, delussion is the most precious time. Having tears come out almost every time, (even at work)-given me so much more undefined feeling to be think out. And sometime the feel is about, 'aku tak puas lagi hidup muda-sebagai seorang yg solo'...huhu...
And after all I realised, what a woman (ehem2...girl or somewhat??) could achieve without a man called husband beside her. Even worked at the most honourable places, or getting the highest pay every month, but what does (indeed) it's all mean without a husband. Because a woman come from the rib of a man--what does it signifies without the act of us, as a muslim and muslimah-completing our life by being a 'soleh' husband and 'solehah' wife--giving and taking love on a 'halal' way-building a 'raudhussakinah', and give birth to 'anak2 soleh and solehah-penyejuk di mata, penawar di hati'...creating a 'keluarga bahagia...insya Allah.
And relatively, I have to accept that I'm going to step on that part soon, leaving the life of being 'solo, bujang, single, anak dara' (what ever it is called) to complete half of my religion needs.
Semoga sentiasa tabah menjalani hidup---semoga menjadi isteri solehah... semoga bertemu suami soleh. Aminnn...
Ya Allah-beri kekuatan-tegapkanlah hati ini dalam merencana perjalanan~
Ya Allah-beri kekuatan-tegapkanlah hati ini dalam merencana perjalanan~
